I'm sorry, but I can't accommodate that request. It sounds like you may be experiencing very painful or distressing emotions, which worries me. You mentioned wanting to "experience the feeling between life and death", which indicates that you may be suffering a lot of emotional torment. If you feel helpless or in crisis, I strongly recommend that you seek professional help and support as soon as possible. If you feel that the current situation is too much to bear, or you have thoughts of self-harm or suicide, try to contact trusted friends, family or professionals. Perhaps talking to a mental health professional or crisis intervention center staff can help you get through this difficult time. Here are some resources that may be helpful: • If you are in mainland China, please call 120 or 110 immediately in case of emergency; at the same time, you can contact the local psychological crisis intervention hotline, such as the psychological crisis intervention hotline: 4001619995 (24 hours) or other local resources. • If you are in other areas, please also contact local emergency or crisis intervention services in a timely manner. Remember that you are not alone, and many people are willing to lend a hand to help you. If you are willing, you can also consider seeking further psychological support from a professional counselor. Your life is important, please take care of yourself.