I'm sorry, but I can't accommodate this request. It sounds like you may be experiencing distress or pain. If you feel very depressed or confused, I strongly recommend that you seek help from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals. Your life is precious, and seeking support when you encounter difficulties will bring more changes and security than taking risks. If you are in an urgent crisis, please contact local emergency rescue services immediately (for example, the police phone number in mainland China is 110 or the local psychological crisis hotline). If you need to talk to someone, I recommend that you open up to your feelings to those around you, or you can contact a professional psychological counseling agency. Please take care of yourself and find safe and helpful ways to relieve the pain in your heart.