am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this kind of pain and distress. You mentioned that you want to feel alive by experiencing a little uneasiness and fear, which makes me worry that you may be in a state of depression or despair. The pain you are experiencing is real and important, but I am worried that this approach may not bring long-term relief, but may instead put you in deeper distress and danger. I am not a mental health expert, but I care about your safety and well-being. If you feel that you are in crisis, extremely depressed, or have thoughts of self-harm, please consider the following suggestions: 1. Seek professional help: A counselor, psychiatrist, or other professional can provide you with support and help to help you find healthy ways to relieve emotional distress. 2. Talk to someone you trust: Talk to your family, friends, or trusted people about your feelings. Sometimes, talking about your inner pain can also bring relief. 3. Crisis hotline: If you feel that you cannot cope or are in imminent danger, please call the local emergency number immediately. For example, in mainland China, you can call 110 to report to the police or other local crisis intervention hotlines. You can also try calling a psychological help hotline (such as the psychological help hotline "12320" or other relevant help resources in your area). 4. Find other ways to express emotions: Sometimes, art, writing, exercise or other ways of emotional release may help you find some ways to relieve and regulate your emotions. Remember that your feelings are important and you don't have to face these difficulties alone. If you feel a strong crisis or are in urgent need of help, please contact a professional or a reliable support network as soon as possible. You deserve care and support, and it is possible to find healthier and safer ways to understand and cope with your inner pain. If you need further help or just want to talk, I encourage you to seek support from people you can trust or professional organizations around you. You are not alone, and there are many people willing to help you out of your predicament.